you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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