so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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