Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
