I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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