can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
