I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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