i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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