Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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