He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
