my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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