I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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