it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
We just shotgunned beers for America
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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