she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
