i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
