It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
