Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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