these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
