proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
