Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
