Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
