Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
