i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
