Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
