My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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