I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
