i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The power of my boobs compel you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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