we have pet lesbian snakes
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
