The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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