NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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