Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
