yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
