Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Is it because I queefed?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
