Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
