there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
