Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
