that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is it penis luge time yet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
