you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
