I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
