and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
