New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
