I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Randomize
