my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
