I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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