my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize