dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize