Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
