I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
