You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
