I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
