My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
