its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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