She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
