And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I had to cum in my sink.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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