I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
