I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Randomize
