Will you blow on my dice?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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