Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
