i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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