I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
