whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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