Have you finally orgasmed yet?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
