Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
