All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
