it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this boner is exhausting
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
