omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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