The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
