don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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