True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
