guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
