That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
