Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I need to align my fucking chakras
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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